This blogpost will probably not make sense to you. It's okay. I urge you to still keep reading it. What have you got to lose? (Ans:10 minutes of your life and a few hundred brain cells)
Potty Love. What exactly does this term mean? Let me explain.
Potty Love is one of the levels of affection that you hold for a certain special person. It is the highest form of love I have discovered but of course, that's just me. Love is different for everyone.
Anyways, to find out whether you are suffering from the insufferable plague of 'Potty Love', check if any of the below signs apply to you.
1. You Will Think About That One Person Every Time You Are In The Crapper
I don't know how people spend their time while pooping. I, personally, either play Candy Crush, check my emails or tweet. Multitasking y'know. But if you are in Potty Love, you will definitely think of that ONE SPECIAL person at least once while pooping.
Either as you enter the loo, are sitting on the pot, are defecating or are done defecating, somewhere in there, for a second, amidst thoughts of relieving yourself, you will think about them.
2. You Are Okay With The Fact That They Also Defecate
Most of the times, we place our object of affection high on a pedestal. They are perfection personified. They are worthy of worship. They are almost superhuman to us.
That's where everything goes wrong. For a relationshit to be balanced, you need to accept that your partner is also a human. And like all humans, your partner has a normal digestive system.
And what did we learn in grade 8 biology kids? That the final process in digestion is 'defecation' otherwise known as pooping. Or shitting. Whatever you prefer.
If you have ever thought that somewhere in the future, you will have to come to terms with that person's poop, farts or even burps, you're on the track towards 'Potty Love'.
3. Thinking About Them Pauses Your Excretory Processes
We have all been in that situation. You need to go to the loo, but can't. It's either occupied or you're on a road trip or you're on stage in the middle of a performance and don't want to pull a Fergie on the audience.
You might not know but thinking about sex can help you stop your pee. (This works with poop also.)
And obviously, if you're using fantasies of a particular someone to pause-the-poop, there's something special there.
4. You Choose Them Over Solitary Poop-Tiem
Poop time is sacred. Not many people understand this though.
This is the time when you are most honest with yourself. You have the ultimate hard earned 10 minute bliss of solitude that no one can take away from you.
Except of course, if you choose to willingly hand over that bliss to your object of affection by texting them while pooping.
Now why in the world would you ruin the sanctity of the crapper? You know why. Because you're in 'Potty Love'.
5. You Share Your Bathroom Wisdom With Them
I've already stressed on the importance of solitary poop-tiem. This is the time when you are alone with yourself, with no one to judge you. Your best and most crazy thoughts and ideas will strike you during poop tiem. Most of those are supposed to be kept secret from the rest of the world.
It takes an enormous amount of trust to be able to tell someone your innermost theories and plans to take over the world.
So when you start sharing your bathroom wisdom with that someone special, sorry buddy, you better accept that you're in Potty Love.
Disclaimer: The writer has no idea what she has written and takes no responsibility for the loss of your brain cells while reading this post.
This post is dedicated to @TheTattiMaster
Stage 2: Alright, this hurts too much. I wish I was back at work and not sick.
Stage 3: Please. Make it stop. Make the pain stop. Kill me. Give me painkillers. I need to eat. No no. If I eat I'll throw up. Oh God help.
Stage 4: These painkillers have made me drowsy. Why is there so much sadness in the world? What is the meaning of life? Why do humans kill and harm each other? No one cares about me. I need my friends. No. I don't need anyone. Oh God I wish I was dead.
Stage 5: The only physical exercise I'm doing these days is turning around in my bed. Left. Right. Left again. No, right. I feel worthless. Please someone take me out. I wish I had something to keep myself busy. Why won't anyone take me out of this house?!
Stage 6: Time to go to the creepy part of the internet with me and my thoughts. Reddit, 4chan, YouTube, here I come.
|Image Source : http://bit.ly/1aBnejJ|
Black and White.
Shades of Grey.
Silent tip toes,
In the games we play.
Blur for some.
Shadows make the vision murky
Obscuring the sun.
My black, your white.
Your dark, my light.
Craft a dance,
Walk on these lines,
Until we tire.
And then we retire.
My black, my white,
Your dark, your light.
Inspired by Arsalan M. Khan's Tweet
Tabiyat Kharab Hai
Internet Nai Chal Raha
Gari Kharab Hogai
Yaar Ammi Mana Kar Rahi Hain
Bas Paanch Minute
I was standing in the shower and the sunlight was streaming in through my bathroom window. The water from my shower created tiny rainbows in front of my eyes.
They disappeared when I turned the water off. They were only real to me, for that short period of time.
They were still beautiful though.
Let's just say for the sake of my commentary here that 'normal' is the state where your brain does not feel like it's in a constant frenzy of emotions.
Or that normal means being able to relate to the majority of the people in a society.
Yes, that sounds good. So now that we have that established let's get back to discussing me. Because obviously, this is my blog. And we will be talking about me. If you're not interested in reading about me, you really shouldn't be here.
Here's a picture of a cat with purple eyes as an apology if you landed here accidentally.
Okay so where was I? Yes, being normal. Which I'm not. Esha Saiyyed gets that very well. (Thank you Esha, for understanding and responding to my weirdest comments.)
But then GUYS. Omg. GUISE. Guys. HEY. HEY GUYS. Listen. So I was saying. GUYS.
I was saying I found this one guy who makes me feel normal. Like, not even kidding. Allah mian ka wada.
He treats me like I'm a normal person. I don't know why he does that. Just completely ignores my self derogatory humour and my self esteem issues. He just does not acknowledge that I have any issues at all.
Don't get me wrong, he isn't delusional. He does tell me where I'm wrong and wants me to be a better person and all that shit. But he doesn't let me wallow in the petty self created troubles that my brain likes to conjure up to screw my life over even more.
So when he does that. When he pretends I'm capable of being mentally and emotionally stable guess what happens?
Yes, Einstein, that's correct. I actually feel mentally and emotionally stable.
What the kewl boyz he is.
Acha bas, I have to get back to work now.
I mean, seriously. You don't need to be a novelist to become a blogger. You just need a decent sense of grammar and vocab and of course, opinions.
If you're on other social networking websites such as Twitter and Facebook, and you use them to interact with other people you're already blogging. Well, micro blogging that is. Why not build on that and actually try pushing out slightly longer pieces of opinions on the internet?
Of course, I wouldn't be asking you to waste your time on something that wouldn't have any incentives.
More and more brands in Pakistan are looking towards Digital Media for advertising and they need good bloggers to help them infiltrate the interwebz. In return they offer freebies and special event invites.
If you're good enough, your hobby might just turn into landing you some ka-ching! You see, freelance content writing in Pakistan right now pays anything from $1- $80 per 500 words.
Bloggers are even getting discounts now. But that's only just started out. The only place I know of in Karachi is Biryani of the Seas which offers a discount to bloggers.
Lastly, I think there is no better way to express yourself than to vomit it out in a blog post. It makes you feel better and documents your opinions and responses further helping you grow as a person.
Amazing, isn't it?
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