Unconditional

Hearts and smiley faces. Hugs and kisses. A few misunderstandings and boom. The 'unconditional' love claimed for you is gone.

Sisters for life? Sure. But a gash this deep won't heal with words of sincere apologies. I can forgive but cannot forget.

Because you were the only person who I could proudly say 'loves me unconditionally'.

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Fawad Khan

I texted him for something official. And he replied asking me to call his manager.

He. Replied. Apnay hath se. :')

*squealz*

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Dealing with Self Esteem Issues

I came across this article & found it quite accurate in the thought processes it describes for people with low self esteem.

Even if you don't have problems with self esteem, do give this a read because we all come across people who need this advice, even when they don't realize it themselves.

Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking

Your initial thoughts might not be the only possible way to view a situation — so test the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view is consistent with facts and logic or whether other explanations for the situation might be plausible.

Be aware that it's sometimes tough to recognize inaccuracies in thinking, though. Most people have automatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These long-held thoughts and beliefs can feel normal and factual, but many are actually just opinions or perceptions.

Also pay attention to thought patterns that tend to erode self-esteem:

• All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."
• Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."
• Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."
• Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry."
• Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure."
• Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."

Adjust your thoughts and beliefs

Now replace negative or inaccurate thoughts with accurate, constructive thoughts. Try these strategies:

• Use hopeful statements. Treat yourself with kindness and encouragement. Pessimism can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, if you think your presentation isn't going to go well, you might indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
• Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes — and mistakes aren't permanent reflections on you as a person. They're isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
• Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of these words, you might be putting unreasonable demands on yourself — or on others. Removing these words from your thoughts can lead to more realistic expectations.
• Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Remind yourself of things that have gone well recently. Consider the skills you've used to cope with challenging situations.
• Relabel upsetting thoughts. You don't need to react negatively to negative thoughts. Instead, think of negative thoughts as signals to try new, healthy patterns. Ask yourself, "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
• Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. For example, "My presentation might not have been perfect, but my colleagues asked questions and remained engaged — which means that I accomplished my goal."

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Having a low self esteem is not only bad for your own state of mind, but also for the people around you. Your relationships can handle only a certain amount of baggage and if these steps can help make you a better person and improve your relationships, they're definitely worth it.

*Credit: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem/MH00129/NSECTIONGROUP=2

Another goodbye

It's been roughly two years since I've been friends with MA. She's leaving Khi. I had this really awesome blogpost idea. Had to write so much about her. But I just can't. Too emotional.

It's just that she's one of the people who understand stuff even before you explain it. She's been there for me in a lot of hard times. Made me laugh when I was completely suicidal. Chammak challo. Boston. 11:11 wishes. Creepy connections. Food for family. Everything. Every effing thing. I'm going to miss her.

I just hope she's happy and finds lovely people wherever she goes.

*sniff*

Love you Jeremiah. I know we're not best friends but you're one of the bestest friends I've known. Sweetgurl123. <3

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A bird on the bus

I was traveling in the bus today and THERE WAS A PIGEON RIDING WITH US.

Just sitting there. Pretending like it had paid the fare. I managed to take a picture because I knew no one would believe me.

You'll have to look closely though. It's sitting on the dashboard.

Also. PUNGIIIII. I'm SO addicted to the song. Oh meri jaan oh meri jaan. Okay so yes. I know it's inspired by Soosan Khanoom. Easy boy. I still love Mika's version too. I listen to the 'Dil boley desi' ad just cause of Mika's voice btw.

I'm really happy. My last post on the Tribune blogs was among the Top 5 for the week. And they're sending me a check! Way to encourage writers. If I haven't said it before I'll say it now. I'm kind of an ET fangurrrrl. Haye.

Anyways. OH MERI AH OH MERI OOH MERE KO MAJNU BANA KER. KAHAN CHAL DI KAHAN CHAL DI. PYAR KI PUNGI BAJA KER.

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Lawn is (literally) the latest rage

Here's my blogpost that was published in the Express Tribune blogs section on 15th March 2012:

We love being angry don’t we? As a nation, Pakistanis are most certainly good at one thing: criticizing. I’m not saying that is a bad thing. It’s good to have an opinion, but we should know where to draw the line.

Being enraged about the violation of human rights by Maya Khan in her morning show was great. We showed her that civil society is sensible and very active.

However, when my Twitter and Facebook were flooded with angry comments about the latest Sana Safinaz advertising campaign last night, I had to see what the ‘poor’ brand had done to deserve this kind of thrashing.

Through the links provided in people’s tweets, I found myself staring at a beautiful model dressed in vibrantly coloured lawn sporting the most regal expression. Behind her was the source of the controversy – a group of poor ‘coolies’ standing indistinctly behind her, carrying her Louis Vuitton luggage, their faces partly shrouded by the brand name in bold letters.

The picture of a “poverty stricken coolie carrying a Louis Vuitton bag” had more than 200 comments below it posted by angry fans who were “disgusted” by the advertisement.

Zarlasht Faisal wrote:

“A fashion shoot becomes a political/social statement when you construct the visual narrative out of context. The context of the communication was that SS prints make you look good. But when you juxtapose it with a line up of coolies who symbolize daily back breaking labor with low wages it becomes a political statement. And that’s why I feel so many people took offense to it. “

Rabia Salman wrote:

“Why couldn’t you come up with a better campaign than this? It just glorifies the gap between rich and poor. Look at the poor man. His whole life’s savings is worth less than that bag.”

Abira Ashfaq:

“This is offensive to the plight of the poor. The men in the picture make barely minimum wage which is Rs. 7500 a month. How about a suit? How much did it cost? How many crores were your profits last year? Calls for a boycott.”

But isn’t the expression of the coolie shown in the picture exactly the same expression as your maid has when you ask her to do your laundry or iron your clothes.

Why, then, the rage?

Although Sana Safinaz might not have chosen the most politically correct marketing campaign, it is a realistic one. This campaign highlights a reality that exists in our society. It acts as a mirror to those privileged enough to have access to social media websites.

The variety of socio-economic classes that exist in our country are usually not on our mind when we’re spending exorbitant amounts on designer labels.

We don’t want to be reminded of those unfortunate people who can’t even afford to feed their children when we’re trying to think up new ways to show our affluence. No. These discussions are strictly prohibited outside cafés and internet forums. That’s where we think about social issues. How dare Sana Safinaz try and shove the bitter truth when all we want to do is ogle at slender models and chic dresses?

To the people comparing this campaign to Vogue India shoot back in 2008, please go through both and try to analyze the two.

If someone thinks that boycotting Sana Safinaz will make you a human rights activist, I’m sorry to break it to you but it won’t. For that, you actually need to do something other than changing lawn brands.

I’m sure that ‘phool wala’ kid you hand the five rupees coin to at the traffic signal does not care what lawn print you are wearing.