Oh hallo thar December

The first day of the last month of the most interesting year I've had in my life.

It's going pretty shitty btw. Even when I downed a bottle of Starbucks' frappuccino before going to work.

Isn't it interesting that I drink extremely expensive coffee but travel in a rikshaw to work? That too a really effed up Rikshaw that used a plastic bottle in substitute for a petrol tank?

I would have made it to work faster if I walked.

I hate it when people leave. It's a coworker's last day at the office today and this sucks. I barely know him since like, two weeks. I hate getting all emo about everything.

Or maybe I'm just PMSing really bad. Whatever, go away now. Shoo.

At my fingertips...

And sometimes, it hits me out of nowhere, this sense of overwhelming joy and accomplishment and I get excited, hopeful and ready to face the future. And once again, the world feels like my stage, and everything around me like a play just waiting to begin.

Self-Portrait in Front of You- Yumoo Komal Ashfaq

In her eye you will
Find no reply,
No voice to say hi.

In her hair you will find
Light air
Through the strands.

Her hands
have scars

Her mind filled with stars
And planets. And thoughts
Sentences and dots
To forgotten words.

Butterflies and birds
On her dress
“I confess-“

She begins
And stops.
Her gaze drops.
She does not
Know what you thought.

Slight fear
Of being near.
Of touch
Saying too much.
Of the gaze
Holding praise
And scorn
Both.


-Yumoo Komal Ashfaq

The adventures of the bara note

The bara note was resting lazily in the mysterious labyrinth inside an ATM machine. It was dozing peacefully, pretentiously aware of the power and influence of it's existence. Suddenly, the mechanical spins and clicks alarmed the note of the beginning of the next adventure it would face.

Outside the ATM, a silly girl had accidentally hit the 20K on the touch pad instead of the 2k she needed. As she realized her mistake, three baray notes with five slightly chotay notes were pushed smoothly so towards her. Exasperated at her mistake, she tucked the money inside her designer bag and mentally planned out when she would have to visit her bank to deposit all this money that she didn't need at this time.

Weeks went by. The bara note did not see any sunlight. It just experienced a mild gust of chilly winter air whenever the bag was opened. It could smell clothes and shoes nearby. But the silly (now slightly cruel) girl would not spend it!

Finally, the note saw daylight. It could smell chocolate in the air. Yay. It loved chocolate. It didn't love people who touched it with chocolate covered hands though. That was disgusting. It was handed over to the cashier at Pie in the Sky.

The note felt purple neon lights blinding it. What was happening? What? The cashier was saying it wasn't real. How absurd. The note thought. Of course I'm real. The silly girl was defending it bravely, stating over and over that she had received it from an ATM machine and that it could definitely not be fake. The silly (now brave) girl snatched it back from the cashier and started to exit the bakery. But then she turned around. The cashier was saying something. She deposited the bara note back into her bag and withdrew a shiny green card. She would have to get the note checked at the bank later.

The bara note went back into its lazy slumber, but this time it had a more modest air about itself. There was something more powerful and influential in town.

The Morning Show and the Boss again

MA's bff Rj Rafia Najam was on the morning show at Hum TV today. I went to the studio to meet her and met Navin too. Yeap, Navin from Hamsafar. I love Hamsafar. And I love Navin. Dammit. I should've gotten a picture with her. Me and mah ego. *Insert two choices from PTABannedList here*

Getting back to Rafia. She looked pretty hot and supermodel-ly. And she was nice too.

Speaking of nice. My boss properly introduced himself to me today. Yes. The same one. I managed to not pee in mah pants while this whole introductory conversation went down. It was cool I think. I remembered everything I've learnt in the past week and explained it to him quite efficiently. I think. A huge thanks to Arbab bhai and Sana here. My co workers who've been helping me learn things. ^_^

The boss, the burger and the baby

My boss is really scary. I think I've said that earlier. But still. He must be acknowledged in every work related post. He is, very scary indeed. Think Rufus Scrimgeour. He fired someone today. The office was filled with a grim silence, occasionally broken by casual humour related to the incident. It's true. Humour is the best solace. And shield.

I brought a very healthy lunch to the office today. Brown bread sandwich with pastrami chicken slices and a hint of mustard. Yum, no? NO. These guys were ordering burgers and I got... lured in. It's sad because my diet's been going pretty well. I looked decently professional in my work pants and blouse today. Must not become a land whale. Have to resist the enchantingly powerful seduction of ze beef burgher.

Lastly, the baby. Hassam. He's the son of a co worker who works in the journalism department here. Mashallah, he's the cutest and most well behaved kid I've seen. (Except that one kid who was riding with us on the greyhound from Ohio to Pennsylvania. That kid didn't cry even once.) It's amazing to see how this kid was born here, and is spending his most crucial development days here too. I realized this when today, for the very first time, he tried to sit up all my himself and everyone including the mother exclaimed with joy.

This kid is really lucky. Not only does he have superwoman as his mother, but a loving virtual family of professionals who care for him like their own. :')

Toxic

The glee version of this song is now my ringtone. Go ahead. Judge me. Karo karo, mana nai karungi. Jitna judge karna hai karo.

This act of boldness has been inspired by my boss. He has the instrumental version of Chammak Challo as his ringtone. Really brings some zing into the office, it does. Makes me want to abandon work and start doing the double light bulb screw move.

Don't be fooled though. He's really effing intimidating. I'm really scared of him. He likes ripping people apart. Does it very efficiently. If he ever does it to me, I'll probably pee in mah pantz. No, I might actually do that with a single murderous stare. Hmm. I think I need to go pee now.

Either that or icecream. I want icecream.

Oh look. Another conspiracy theory. -__-

A devil eyed Tribune with David's Star as it's mouth. 

So badass it hurts.

I’m torn between two extreme emotions as I go through the ‘official’ Facebook page against The Express Tribune. Hysterical lulz and desolate disappointment. Both as powerful as the other.
The page claims to be waging a war against ‘the secular terrorism of Express Tribune’. What’s amazing is that they prove every point the Tribune is trying to highlight that is wrong with the Pakistani society today.

These people fail to see how ET highlights issues and brings facts to the table. It’s called reporting and frankly, I think that’s pretty much what a newspaper is supposed to do. What ever is inferred by the readership does not represent the organization.

The ‘blogs’ section of the ET website has been targeted the most. Blogs are widely read and appreciated. Not because of the ‘anti Islamic’ content but because they provide material from the people, to the people. They serve as a healthy discussion forum in which the interchange of ideas helps change opinions for a better intellectually equipped community.

Controversial topics such as gay rights, prostitution and the likes are simply brought forth. It’s the right of the average Pakistani to be aware of what exists in the society. What opinions he holds about the topic and what he chooses to do is his decision.

If the admins of the page had any objection to what was being expressed, they should have done the following.

1. Read and understood the following disclaimer: The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.
   
   
2. Left a comment stating their stance on the issue.

3. Wrote a counter blog post about the issue and sent it in to blog@tribune.com.pk

It would have been much more productive and effective. ‘Jew TV’, ‘DJews’ and the seemingly LGBT pro symbol of HumTV is old news. The ‘Sexpress Tribune’ seems to be the latest rallying point for the saviours of the Islamic Republic. Intricately crafted conspiracy theories, misunderstood inferences and obviously, their most important weapon ‘hate’ is what they’re using to rally up supporters for their campaign. Oh and they’re using ‘Facebook’ for their campaign which is a Jewish website. Good going bros.

Sadly, they don’t understand the satirical nature of the blogs. It’s a language tool. It’s called post ironic humour. It helps bring a topic into view using obnoxious exaggeration. The point is to get you thinking. Not to lead you astray.

I’m disappointed that these people think Islam is this vulnerable. Believe me guys, an ‘eye’ symbol can not hurt Islam or its followers. But the abusive words you’ve used against the people you’re targeting surely can. Since you’re too busy running around in circles of rage inside your box of a brain, you’ve forgotten the Islamic etiquette of respectful discourse.

I was pleased to see that some readers did have the intellect required to research the links and ‘evidence’ posted on their wall. The comments that asked these guys to lighten up made me smile. At least someone paid attention in comprehension class.

I commented about my views on their wall. They removed my comment. Hence, I’m forced to write this blog post. This is important for me you see. I’ve written for the ET blogs and I intern at HumTV. According to them, I must be a Zionist lesbian. Which I’m not. 


_______________________________


Here's the link to the facebook page.


https://www.facebook.com/ExposingExpressTribune

At HumTV

AtSecond day of work. Things go from crazy wild to drastically boring in under five minutes here. It's interesting.

The people here are really friendly and helpful. I can see that they're really busy and engrossed in their work but they still take out the time to explain things to me as they go. One of my co workers gave me half of his desk yesterday. That was sweet :)

Today, I cleaned up this old desk in the other room, plugged in the computer and made it my very own room. Ironic isn't it? I have the lowest designation and the biggest room ^_^

I'm doing all these 'officy' things now. Like drinking afternoon tea and not watching porn on the office computer.

Speaking of which, I found MILF porn in one of the folders on this PC. Wait, is that TMI? Can that get me fired? O__O